viernes, noviembre 21, 2008

Contra mi entropía

¿Se puede ir en contra de nuestra naturaleza? ¿Puedes abandonar tus comportamientos atávicos y regenerarlos por mor de una idea, una perspectiva ilusionante, una emoción? ¿Destierras tus temores ante un sentimiento reencontrado?

A Julian Barnes le parece que el "actual modelo del universo es la entropía, que traducido al lenguaje cotidiano significa: la cosa está jodida".

Aunque las mujeres que han convivido conmigo me lo decían en esos momentos en que mi indefinición era exasperante y yo les daba la razón, es ahora cuando lo veo muy nítidamente, que canta Silvio: como cangrejo que soy me muevo de lado ante lo que me atrae, doy unos pasitos y rodeo, voy hacia adelante y de repente hacia atrás, siempre sin perder de vista aquello que me subyuga, siempre sin decidirme del todo.

En ocasiones me aventuro y con un movimiento imprevisto lo alcanzo; otras, las más, me dejo arrastar por la marea hasta mi cueva. De mucho de lo que he perdido me he percatado al instante; de otro tanto, no quiero ni pensarlo.

Y en estas estoy, dispuesto a rebatir la historiografía de mi vida.

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